Conversations With Drunk People
by Jack Solo Black
Summary: Summary: Harry has a conversation with a drunk Sirius and Remus and learns a few things... Then one thing leads to another... Maybe listening to Sirius when he's drunk isn't always SUCH a bad idea after all...? Remus Lupin/Harry Potter. This is SLASH. lol. As if you didn't know... lol. Full warnings inside.


_Summary:__ Harry has a conversation with a drunk Sirius and Remus and learns a few things... Then one thing leads to another... Maybe listening to Sirius when he's drunk isn't always SUCH a bad idea after all...? Remus Lupin/Harry Potter. Full warnings inside._

Warning/s: _Anal,COMPLETE,Fingering,M/M,Minor2,PWP,Rim_

Conversations With Drunk People.

"Look, Harry, it's not that... Bugger! I'm no good at this... Remus, you explain it to him."

Remus shook his head, smacking Sirius upside his and grabbing the bottle of Fire-Whiskey out of his hand, taking a swig. "I think what Sirius is trying to say, is that it doesn't matter whether you like doing it with men or women; either way, it's the personality that counts..."

"Yeah... Something like that..." Sirius said, stealing the whiskey back and up-ending the bottle.

Harry laughed. "Sirius, you drink too much."

"Only when Molly's not looking." He grinned and handed the bottle to Harry. "And seeing as there's just us here and I'm supposed to be your legal guardian and all, this is perfectly legal on private property..."

Harry looked at the bottle, then shrugged and Sirius said; "Careful... Burns a bit at first, if you're not used to it..."

"Thanks." Harry drank a small mouthful and handed the bottle to Remus. Harrys head started to feel a little fuzzy, in a pleasant kind of way and he felt a bit more relaxed than he did normally. "My head feels kinda nicely fuzzy." He said, and Remus laughed.

"That's normal... Bet you're not feeling so tense now, eh?"

"No, not really."

"Good. And don't let Sirius get you too drunk... he has a nasty habit of playing inconceivable pranks on people while they're intoxicated."

"Oi! Would I do that to Harry?"

"One can never really tell with you, Sirius Black..."

Sirius grinned and pinched the whiskey back, sculling another large mouthful and handing it back to Harry, who drank a more human-sized mouthful and gave it to Remus. Sirius pulled a packet of cigarettes from his pocket and lit one, chucking the packet on the table and Remus grabbed one and sparked up.

"Remus! I didn't know you smoked..?" Harry said and Remus shrugged.

"When I feel like it."

"When he's drunk more like!" Sirius corrected and Remus glared at him.

"It's your fault..."

"Isn't it always?"

"So, Sirius, what were you saying about me being gay?" Harry asked and Sirius started laughing, loudly.

"Oh, I know you are, trust me."

"How the hell do you know that?" Harry asked, confused.

"I know these things. About everyone. Trust me."

"Everyone?"

"Yep."

"Well, what about Ron then? There have been rumours..."

"Surprisingly, he's straight. His brothers on the other hand..."

"What!?"

"Yeah, they're just not fussy either way..." Sirius said.

"Is he for real?" Harry asked Remus and the werewolf nodded. "Amazingly so. He figured me out in first year..."

"What!? Remus, you never said anything! And here I was worrying that you couldn't find a girlfriend!" Harry laughed.

"I can't believe you didn't know that!" Sirius said. "As for me, I'm as bent as a crooked wand..."

"Well, I knew _that_." Harry said. "_Everyone_ knows that. You're not exactly subtle about it."

"Nah, I guess not. Remus tries to stay in the closet 'cos he likes you..."

"Oi! I do not!" Remus yelped, embarrassed and he punched Sirius in the arm.

"Do so; otherwise you wouldn't be getting defensive about it..."

"I'm not defensive, I'm..." Apparently he couldn't think of a better word.

"Sirius, are you actually telling the truth, or are you just trying to make Remus turn red?"

"Would I lie?"

"I dunno, would you?"

"Not about this..." He said and Remus glared at him and drank more whiskey.

"Now he's going to think I'm perverted." The werewolf accused Sirius, who smirked and rocked back on his chair.

"So you do then?" Harry asked, honestly curious.

"I'm not going to answer that question because either way I sound like an ass..."

"No you don't."

"I would too..."

"He's right, you're defensive." Harry said, and Remus glared at Sirius and said; "You started this, now finish it."

"No way! Now _you_ have to finish it! You're the one that has a thing for my godson..."

"Sirius!" Remus growled and folded his arms.

"How do you know what he's going to say if you don't even ask him?" Sirius said and Harry kind of agreed with him. He wanted to hear it from Remus himself.

"Fine, you bastard, I'll say it if that'll make you happy..!"

"It's not me I'm worried about." Sirius said and Remus sighed and looked up at Harry.

"Alright, he's telling the truth... I just didn't say anything because I didn't want you to think I might try and take advantage of you or something..."

"Remus, why would I ever think that?"

"I don't know, actually, but you might have..."

Harry shook his head. "You could've said something."

"I was worried you might try and hex me..."

"What!? Remus, you're mental!" Harry said, shaking his head again. "And why didn't _you_ tell me sooner?" He asked Sirius, pointedly.

"Well, I was hoping he'd buck up and tell you himself but I just got sick of waiting for him to grow some balls..."

"Oi! Leave my balls out of this!" Remus said, indignantly and Sirius chuckled and leaned over the table to speak quietly in Harrys' ear.

"Actually, as a matter of interest, his balls are really a pretty decent size..."

"Sirius! Shut up!" Remus said, embarrassed again and Harry suddenly remembered something he'd heard somewhere.

"Hey, is it true that werewolves are supposed to have bigger dicks than most people?"

"What!?" Remus yelped, almost choking on air. "Where in the hell did you hear that!?"

"Dunno. I can't remember... I've wanted to ask out of curiosity for a while but I didn't want to offend you..."

"He's got nothing to be offended about." Sirius said and Remus turned an even brighter shade of red and tried to drown himself in the whiskey bottle.

Harry grabbed it from him and said; "Drinking that much that you pass out isn't going to make the problem go away..."

"I know... but I might be able to hide from it for a while..."

"Sorry. Not gonna happen." Harry said, drinking some of the whiskey and giving it to Sirius, who grinned and poked Remus in the shoulder.

"What?"

"You know what." Sirius grinned again.

"No. Absolutely not."

"Why not?"

"Because then he _will_ hex me..."

"He will not. If he was going to he'd have done it by now..."

"So far I haven't done anything that would make him want to hex me."

"We both know you want to... Y'know, for an ex-Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, you're a real chickenshit sometimes..."

"Harry knows some nasty hexes..."

"I'm not gonna hex you."

"Not yet..."

"Really, I'm not. I honestly don't mind... Actually, I'm kind of flattered..."

"Oh... Really?"

"Really."

"See, told you." Sirius poked him again.

"Sirius, this isn't school..."

"No, but still..."

"Don't say it! Fine, but if Harry curses me it'll be your fault!"

"I won't curse you... Why would I do that?"

Remus stood up, slowly and moved round the table, yanking Harry out of his chair and kissing him, firmly. He was a little rougher than Harry would've expected but then, he thought, Remus might just be trying to put him off... It wasn't working. In fact, it actually felt kind of nice...

Harry put his hands on Remus's shoulders and kissed him back, and the werewolf made an odd growling sound and pushed his tongue into his mouth, one hand coming up to rest behind Harrys head, the other at the small of his back, holding him firmly against him.

Remus felt warm and solid, and Harry pressed himself closer and he suddenly found himself backed up against a wall, the werewolfs knee pushed in between his legs and he let out a small moan when Remus rubbed against him...

The werewolf jerked away suddenly, gasping slightly, a startled look in his eyes as he said breathlessly; "I'm sorry... I shouldn't have done that..."

Harry shook his head, still leaning against the wall, and said; "It's okay..."

"No, it's not... Damn, Sirius knew this would happen!"

"What?"

"Sometimes – particularly when I've been drinking, or closer to the full moon – I tend to... lose control a bit..."

"Oh..."

"Why do you think I never drank around you before? It's worse when I'm around you... Stupid wolf wants to do things that I'd rather not subject you to... At least, not without knowing what you're in for..." Remus growled and shook his head, as if to clear it and Harry asked; "In for?"

"Let's just say that when I'm not in my usual sane frame of mind, the wolf part of me tends to get a little carried away with certain... acts. I can be a bit rough..."

"Is that why you never went out with anyone? 'Cos you were afraid you'd hurt them?"

"I'm still afraid of that. Now, even more so than ever. If I hurt you I would never forgive myself."

I don't think you'd hurt me."

"Not intentionally, no, but if I lost control too badly... I could hurt you a lot..."

Harry shook his head again. "Guess I'll just have to take a chance with that."

"What?"

"You think I'm gonna get scared off by an out-of-control werewolf after all I've been through? C'mon Remus! Stop being so careful... I'm not gonna break you know."

Remus actually laughed at that and said; "If you really want to take your chances with the beast, then I've no right mind to stop myself - or you, for that matter - by this point, but don't say I didn't warn you..."

"Since when have I ever actually listened to warnings?"

Remus shook his head. "Never."

"Well, there you go then. You warned me... but I'm still not listening." Harry grinned, and Remus growled again and moved forward, pinning him to the wall again.

"one of these days you're going to get yourself killed..."

"Not tonight."

"No, probably not tonight, but someday..." Remus nipped his ear, then kissed him again, desperately, forcefully and Harry shivered a little and opened his mouth, the werewolfs tongue invading it again and Remus suddenly flung him into his arms, bridal-style and carried him up the stairs, kicking his bedroom door open and dumping Harry on the bed, closing it firmly, then saying; "You asked for it, so I bloody well hope I don't have to regret this in the morning."

"You won't."

"Good." Remus said, kicking his clothes off and climbing onto the bed, crouching over him, predatorily. "Because you're starting to smell rather pleasant and it's making my brain quite a bit more fuzzy than it already was, in a rather nice sort of way..." He yanked Harrys' shirt off and pulled his pants down, over his ankles, stripping him rather quickly before rolling him over, onto his front and pulling him to his knees.

Harry couldn't help grinning at the werewolfs choice of position, but then his jaw went suddenly slack when Remus growled a little and nuzzled between his legs, running his hot tongue over his balls and around his hole, before suddenly pushing it in and Harry gasped and dropped his head.

Remus's tongue felt rather pleasant and it suddenly felt even more pleasant when he pushed a finger into him, twisting it a bit before adding another, stretching him quickly. The werewolf growled and moved back over him, nipping his neck as he entered him, swiftly and Harry gasped and cried out as Remus filled him, his teeth grazing his shoulder as he forced himself to still for a moment, waiting for Harry to adjust.

Sirius had been right; the werewolf was definitely well proportioned and having the large length buried to the hilt inside of him burned a fair bit at first, but it quickly faded into a pleasantly bearable ache.

Harry pushed back slightly when he was ready, and Remus made a strange, happy sound in the back of his throat, shivering a little before he started moving, his surprisingly strong hands gripping Harrys' waist as he thrust into him, fiercely and Harry suddenly realised what he meant by 'out-of-control' when the werewolf bit him sharply in the neck and held on, growling, as he let go of whatever small shred of control he'd had over himself.

Remus growled again and pulled him back against him, hitting his prostate and Harry yelped at the blindingly intense pleasure of it, coupled with the feeling of the hard shaft sliding against his tight walls, and the werewolf actually snarled as he pulled him back again, biting him a little harder and rutting into him in a wild, thoughtless frenzy.

Harry had never actually realised how strong Remus was when he wanted to be and he could feel the tightly corded muscles moving behind him, and Remus seemed to hold him effortlessly.

A guttural snarl left the werewolf, as he jerked and released himself and Harry almost screamed at the wonderful feeling of Remus's seed, hot inside him, like liquid fire, and he shuddered and gasped, as Remus brought him, with a swift bite to his shoulder and he lay panting as Remus eased out and flipped him onto his back, licking between his legs again and cleaning the cum from both his hole and his prick, before growling in satisfaction and lying next to him, placing an arm protectively over Harrys' waist, his head resting on his shoulder, so he could lick his neck and his ear, easily.

Harrys' breathing finally started to even out and Remus purred quietly, and said; "Told you I was rough..."

"Mmm... It felt good..." Harry said, a little dazed still and Remus rolled him over so that Harrys' head was resting on his chest. Harry ran his hand lightly down Remus's front, tracing one of the many large, white scars that resided there and the werewolf shivered a little bit and held him closer, pulling the blankets up on the bed to cover their shoulders.

Harry snuggled deeper into Remus's surprisingly warm embrace and it was like having his own, personal heater curled up next to him. Remus started stroking his hair, softly, and Harry sighed quietly as he started drifting off into a rather pleasant and comfortable sleep...

***000***

Harry was jolted awake the next morning by the sound of a door banging open and Remus grunted and stirred beside him, opening his eyes sleepily and saying; "Go away Sirius, I'm sleeping..." He nuzzled closer to Harry, his long legs curled over his own and Harry poked him and said; "Er, Remus... It's not just Sirius..."

"Huh...?" The werewolf opened his eyes properly and looked up, swearing when he spotted not just Sirius, but also Hermione and Ginny standing in the doorway.

"Sorry..." Sirius apologised. "They got here early this-morning. I tried to stop them but they were kinda persistent..." He grinned, sheepishly and Remus growled and threw a large book at him from the dresser, while Harry tried to burry himself in the blankets.

"I thought Sirius was only joking when he said you slept in here with Remus..." Ginny said and Hermione seemed to be trying not to giggle.

"When did this happen?" She asked, curiously.

"Just last night, if you must know." Remus said, still growling a bit and Sirius grinned again and said; "He's just cranky 'cos he hasn't had his coffee yet..."

"No, I'm cranky because somebody woke me up, rather rudely, I might add, and I was actually _quite_ comfortable here thank you very much."

"Sorry." Ginny said, grinning sheepishly. "I just had to know if it was actually true or not, or if Sirius was just being a prat."

"Oi! I'm not a prat. And don't you let your mother hear you saying words like that or she'll think I taught them to you."

"You are a prat." Remus said, nuzzling Harrys' neck, softly and saying; "Now buzz off, before I'm forced to do something improper in front of the female audience..."

Ginny stuck out her tongue, as if to say 'blech!' and Hermione giggled again, and Sirius shoved them both out the door, hurriedly, saying; "Okay, you saw... Now you've seen enough! Go!" They all left and Sirius shut the door firmly behind them and Harry swore he heard him muttering a silencing charm on the door as he went.

Remus growled quietly again and kissed him, firmly and Harry groaned and pushed himself closer, as the werewolf shoved his tongue in his mouth and he tasted kind of like stale alcohol and musty earth. For some reason Harry found the mix oddly pleasant first thing in the morning.

"Are you always this playful in the mornings, or is it just 'cos I'm here?" Harry asked, curiously, as Remus nibbled on his ear and the werewolf purred slightly and replied; "I'd've liked to be this playful before, but you weren't here before..."

Harry smiled softly to himself, as Remus licked his ear again and he suddenly thought that maybe conversations with drunk people (namely Sirius) didn't end in such bad events after all...

***000***

A/N: Okay, so, I finally managed to get this one typed up! Lol. (Hurray! It only took me like, a year or so!) lolz. Anyways, not the first one I've written but the first Remus/Harry fic I've ever managed to get finished and posted! Lolz. I do have a partly finished sequel to this that I've been working on for ages but I'm not sure how long it's gonna take me to finish it or entirely where I wanna go with it yet... lol. Anyways, let me know what you think. Lol. Reviews are like cookies... They're good. Lol.


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